Without Saints
between grief and rebirth, we seek a solace only we can gift to ourselves
seeking jazz or sex or soup*
alone, my lover gone,
submerged—again,
a game of solitaire,
that primal fight on repeat
we two—once one
chain-linked to a sentence
fragmented, an ellipsis
instead of arrival—
a match struck but not aflame
him—molting behind closed doors,
shedding what’s webbed and translucent,
peeling what’s worn, revealing
what’s raw beneath,
hidden in the folds of shadows
seeking jazz or sex or soup—
nurturing this burning barrel,
smoke absorbing light,
lungs in collapse, gasping—
the sting of intensity,
tears staining this raw face
relationship abandoned
in a damp, dusty kitchen,
bones tossed in for seasoning,
flavoring futility—
wax sealing memories,
offering only few gasps of air
seeking jazz or sex or soup,
breath glides through veins,
warm rivers flood canyons,
rain nourishes feral blooms,
wild florae growing
on organs, hips, and lips
a rebirth breaks loose
from the sorrow between these legs—
a wild regeneration
limbs like a spotted fawn unravel,
a shuffled footstep—tentative,
carrying rhythm—
the cool cement soothing bare soles,
tapping the dance floor,
freshly poured and wet
over a city without saints
Sarah Espe (2007)
Dedicated to Russ
*Author’s Statement
Without Saints is a ‘found poem’ style, built from Allen Ginsberg’s line in Howl, “seeking jazz or sex or soup.” This poem was written as an assigment in August 2007 during a week long poetry intensive at Fort Worden Historical State Park in Washington State. Interesting fact: no technology was allowed for this class.
What is a found poem?
A found poem is a form of literary collage created by taking words, phrases, or passages from existing texts and reframing them into a new piece of writing.
About Allen Ginsberg and Howl
Allen Ginsberg was a prominent fixture in the Beat generation of writers. He became notable for his 1956 poem and book of the same name, Howl—at the time considered controversial, obscene, and provocative (among other things).
Howl is Ginsberg’s anthem—giving voice to those pushed to society’s edges, those alienated a due to their sexuality, race, politics, devotion to art, music, addiction, and more. It’s both a critique of a repressive society and an ecstatic, chaotic hymn to freedom, desire, and survival. Ginsberg wrote to honor the lives lived outside the boundaries of the so-called mainstream.
